Those feelings of anticipation, huge on this night before an annual IEP.
Much like the anticipation level of Christmas eve. Only happens once a year. The wonder and excitement associated with all the good Christmas has to offer. The nervous energy, the excitement of having wishes granted by Santa, the anticipation of all the family time on Christmas day. The planning and preparation, the desire to make it all just right. The inability to sleep because of the excitement.
For an IEP, the anticipation is HUGE amount of hope that all at the table will see what I, the parent, sees is important.
The hope that I have everything I need for the day, to make my case.
The huge amount of hope that everyone comes together setting aside who pays them, and wants what is best for my child.
The wishes that this could be a meeting of collaboration of how to motivate and encourage my child who is so full of potential, like the meeting was in the early years.
The nervous energy over the worry that I might cry when they read “present levels of performance”, and in front of my daughter, listing all her limitations in front of her.
The nervous energy over what will be said and by what county employee, the room will be full.
The desire to make it right for my girlie, just right, like Christmas morning.
But, I can’t. I can’t make it right for her. The way that it has always been done, the way that money dictates it will be done, leads the day regardless of hopes. A parent might disagree, but it only gets noted on a piece of paper.
I don’t have the power, and never will. I don’t have the money, and never will.
But I know a God who does have all the power and money and cattle on a thousand hills.
What if my momentary pain, missing hopes, missing dreams, even in an IEP meeting are to glorify Him, somehow? How could it even be possible. I am not going to pretend to understand, but I must still trust in the One who does.
My God is bigger, stronger, mightier that any county employee, any powerful politician.
He is able, and that is where true hope lies.
“For indeed He was crucified because of weakness, yet He lives because of the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, yet we will live with Him because of the power of God directed toward you.” 2 Corinthians 13:4