disappointment

The gut punch

The tears

The shutting down

The running away

All my reactions to my disappointment.

I might as well own it, it is my disappointment, no one else’s.

It is my feeling, my reaction, my expectations not met.

Doesn’t matter who or what cause it.

Could have been me

Could have been my family

Could have been my community.

The reaction is the same each time.

Disappointment happens

The feelings are always so close to the surface.

Hopes for the future put on hold

Plans for the day set aside

Seizures taking precedence

Medical needs taking priority

Always more to do than what can be emotionally be handled

My hopes gone

My expectations not met.

All mine, and I own them.

But

What happens when my expectations become HIS expectations?

What happens when Jesus desire becomes mine?

One of my favorite truths that God teaches me, and thankfully He keeps speaking it over and over:

When I obey , He changes my feelings.

You see feelings are changeable, but I don’t want to think that when it hurts so very badly, when all I want is for someone to validate these feelings are real, valid, and valuable.

When all I want is a friend to come along side and just breathe what I am breathing.

Jesus does.

He is that friend, there no matter what.  He can feel it, He collects those tears, He collects those thoughts, He renews energy, He renews minds.  He validates my disappointment, He calls it real, He calls me valuable.

This past weekend, it happened again.  I was disappointed by decisions made that make no sense to me.  That disappointment caused me to want to run away, to be where it was safe and comfortable, and not to the hard place where someone might cause more hurt.

God told me specifically “go”.

Can’t ignore that one, Lord.  Yes I will go, no matter how I feel.   I obeyed, and He changed my feelings.  He gave me excitement to join Him where He was working, in the hard places.

Surrender – the place where disappointment leaves.

The place where my attachment to my feelings are surrendered to His.

The place where my feelings are changed.

The place where my confession happens.

The place where my peace is real.

The place where my hope is real.

The place where gratitude overflows.

The place where real joy happens.

 Confession, peace, hope, gratitude, joy – all become mine, gifts from Him.

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